Walking On the Edge

I have never really understood the meaning of a "new year" but this year I have really embraced it and am working actively to start off well and will work even harder to see myself meet all my new "goals". As my mother used to tell me "Shoot for the moon, you may just land among the stars but at least it will be beautiful."

Speaking of the mother; she will have been dead (deceased, boxed, what have you.) for 8 years one week from today. My first and foremost goal this year is to embrace this part of the year. I can and will make the best of what was the roughest time of my life. For 7 years I completely shut down from January-May in deep dark depressions. This year I will NOT do this. I can and will stay strong. Go forth and conquer! Although I am very heartbroken. I have so many vague memories of her making me almost mourn for the pictures in my head that are fading.
People die everyday. I am no one special. This was one event in my life that just so happened to happen. There are more ties to my mothers death than just her passing. It was the closing of my first life and an opening of a new and unknown adventure. I am happy to say though after 8 years of going through hell and circling around for another punch of the devil himself I am happy. I have the greatest man in my life. As cliche as it may be to say....He completes me. I don't know how I would make it with out him. I could but it would probably be another 8 years of hell. Okay, so I could probably make it without him...but it wouldn't be my first choice.



So, I have been really working towards what I will write my book about. I have so many things to say that its taken me almost a year to narrow down what exactly I want to write about. I decided on a title to night and am hoping to get a jump start on it tomorrow at nap time.


I have a lot of rubbish going on in my not so numb skull of mine. I sure wish I had an off switch. So long for now, until we meet again.