Time.

It's been quite awhile since I have found interest in writing and now I have so many things that I can and can't say its amazing. The thing about a public blog is that anyone can read it. Recently some things have been going down around that I can't exactly voice my opinion or say whats happening because, well, someone might find it offending. I guess I am off to an anon world to speak of the haps. Maybe I will be found there and maybe not.

Until we meet again blogger.com.

Do it! Be it!

"A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure."

Busted

I have been having a lot of bra problems lately. Like wearing the same one daily because I can't find another like it and it being stretched out, warn, and wires hanging out--yes literally. SO desperate times caused desperate measures and I went to the famous Victoria Secret. I went in thinking I have been wearing a size too big but came out actually a size bigger. I was totally baffled. However, the perfect bra was found today and although I will suffer a few more days it will be in the mail shortly. Saved 10 bucks by ordering it online rather than buying in store. After my experience today I can't stress enough how important it is to have the comfort of a bra that truly fits.

Cheers to

Silly dreams and sad songs!

"If we keep laughing and wishing on shooting stars our lives will be happy"

Love

My love. Oh. He makes me smile. :)

Pants Dance

"The time to be happy is now,the place to be happy is here,the way to be happy is to make others so."

Surprise!

*not my exact ring just a stock photo but fairly close.*


Yes! I am engaged! Although it is taking awhile to set in and still may take a while longer for it to become real--I as a person just feel so special. Cloud 9 is now like cloud 99! I didn't think anything would change really but something has--it just clicked and really it does make a difference.


AWWW well nap time is over!

Whoever said

that working with children is good birth control -- was lying. Today was a good day. Among the daily rough struggles of having a two and half year old whining about everything they can whine about and a baby crying every time you step away for a second, it was still a good day. The highlight being after bath when it was time to rock the baby before bed and Jax quietly picked up the nursery and then laid down on my legs and rocked with us! What a precious moment. Brought me to tears. I can not wait for my own moment like that!

And then

I went to a party last night. It was so much fun. We had a cake off. Our decorating theme was Edward Scissor hands and we won! Yay~!


The boys are playing video games. I am going to watch tv in the bed room after I get some koolaid.


Blehh not in a bloggy mood.

Hardly
am
any
more.

McLeod's Daughters.

Yep, pretty much the best show I have ever seen!! I am on the fifth season finally. :)

Hmmph

Welp, today was very productive. I woke up at 8:25 or so--got out of bed shortly after. Jumped into some clothes and went to get spark plug stuff so Shane could change them in the new car. When we got back and he was working on the car I cleared out my flower bed so here in the next week or so I can finally plant my flowers :). Then we drove to NE columbia just for a drive --- the car had to be driven or something for 30miles at the least. I bought a new game for my ds...hello kitty. :) We then came back home and did a whole lot of nothing 'til Shane went to bed. THEN I went out to get a few things we needed and gas for him. After I got home I cleaned up. *More cleaning than I have done in the past month probably * Shortly after I attempted to clean the bathroom Shawn text me needing a ride home--so off to NE I went again. While over there I got buckstars and gas for myself. Got home and made an amazing chicken dinner--super easy and probably going to hit my list of favorites! (Simple chicken breasts with taco seasoning for 30 mins *cooked at 350* then add salsa over the top for thirty. VERY tasty. I added cheese. I'm sure it'd be great with a side of beans or dirty rice. We're having veggies.)



Today, in my home town a lady died in a car wreck. She had four children (I believe) just like my mama. It's very shocking and I feel so awful for the children. Its a pain no one can ever heal or take away from you. The severity of losing a parent is like chopping your heart into a million pieces. I am so so sad for their family. It hits too close to my home...I can't imagine ever going through it again, not at this age, I don't know if I could handle it. My thoughts and prayers go out to them.

Hmmph

Not a good day to blog.



When you have too much on your mind--just let it go!!

Weird Dreams

There are some things moms are good for but not dead ones. I keep having weird dreams. Dreams of messages that I don't get. Its really sending me into a spiral spinning; around and around I go. I am so effing confused. Blech.




Hmmmm.......................

Fail!!!

Who knew not eating out was nearly impossible? WELP! I didn't even make it a week. SO the new "thing" is only choosing healthier non-drive thru meals.


Blech. Fail. eh.

Sometimes

you you just feel like you are being punished. I always wonder why?

Four hour nap.

Against my will my immune system has once again crashed. I have some sort of cold/maybe allergy HOT MESS going on. I slept all day yesterday and took a four hour nap today. Hopefully by tomorrow I will be at least 85% better. I'd love to say 100% but I know that won't happen. Today was a little rough. Blech!!

However, I haven't eaten out. WELL technically I was out--and eating but not a meal. Just munched on an appetizer while the boys got their lunch. I ate soup before we went out.

I thought I had my treadmill sold--then the guy never showed up. He never called. SO I called him and he said he'd be right over---well 8pm rolls around (without a call) and someone is obnoxiously ringing my door bell. I was asleep and Shane was gone. IF he still wants it he will have to do it on my time. Originally he was supposed to be here at 8am, then at 1pm. Very very rude. I don't appreciate it at all. *On a side note: I don't know if I really want to sell it. So maybe it's a sign. I don't know. BUT I don't use it and slightly feel like I am hoarding it. So, I decided I'd rather have the cash than waste space in my bedroom. (we have our room then we both have separate rooms...lol)


WELP. Enough for now.

No eating out.

My new form of control. Yep. No more EATING out until my birthday. I can do this!!

Being honest and Laughing hard.

One E, the kids, and I took a trip to Charleston yesterday. The trip was wonderful. Not really worth the drama. Ugh some people make me crazy!!!



I seem so busy. OR at least feel that way. I don't feel like I have been home in weeks but to sleep. Then today I have a day off and the only productive thing I do is grocery shopping. Haha. We were two dollars over our budget but we got some stuff we don't buy weekly (a few shirts and what not) so we did pretty good. Got steaks and Shane's new weekly salmon.

Hmm... i don't know. Guess I will bundle up and finish my book. The Last Song. VERY much like The Notebook but pretty good.

Early to bed.

Hmmm I plan to be in bed in about 10 minutes. So I better make this quick.... I really don't have anything to say except!!!! I had a pretty amazing day! I am so glad that I have such a great job--even in the midst of the kids being sick today we had a fantastic time :)

Tomorrow I hope to get some sweet tea as the stuff I make at home sucks....




I think I am going to add to my "better self" actions and cut out the curse words/bad lango. Hmmm I tend to use whore and cunt as every other word and today the 2 year old at work said "fuck you" while walking around (did not pick up from me!!) and to his crayons "come here you fat little punk" *hilarious* but so not appropriate. Although I do watch my language at all times at work --even when I smash my thumb in the car door-- I just feel like if I am making him talk nice...maybe I should too!! I do however, think that I will have to do a ton of thinking about it because I believe words are just words and if I say "son of a f-ing whore" or something of that nature *favorite phrase!!* I not hurting anyone? I mean? Really? HMMMMMMMMMMMM

On the real.

I was serious in all instances.

Desire

Burning desire. Hot fiery passion. Disease with no cure. NEED. Indulging. Jump to conclusion. Wake up and have mind set. Dye. Color. Scissors.

All things I do/have when my mind needs a cut/trim. Something about hair change makes my world go round. I usually think about it for weeks then wake up, like today, and just have to have a change. Although I am not going to do anything rash like I usually do. I will wait a few more days and then maybe have my mind made up on what I want to do. I think I am going to add some dark blue in my bangs and get a good cut. Yes! Cut. Its at that length where it is annoying and rambunctious and I am so over it!


I haven't been keeping my blog updated. Had a rough week or so last week. Was in NC more than I was home. As much as I liked being there for my father...I really missed Shane. We saw each other for no more than 5 hours all week last week. It was really nice to be home with him today and spending parts of SUNDAY and MONDAY with him. I think we were both really frustrated with me being gone. All is well. :) I can't wait until my weekend in two days!


My house missed me too. I have so much crap to clean up. BUT all will have to wait as I have a horrid headache and don't want to do it.

Death on my door step.

I don't even know where to start. I have so much to write about and so many things to say. I think I better save it until I can hit my brains "edit" button.


In short my aunt passed away. My father and grandmothers lives have been his with a tidal wave. I don't know how things will play out but I am hoping they will turn out well. Death happens and usually you just have to move on...but what happens when the person who dies made it so you could live your life?

What a mess!!

Sick.

I have a cold. Or something of the sort. I really hope I get better ASAP this being under the weather is annoying. Sleep has been rather short and not very good, as I can't breathe or wake up sweating.

Yesterday; We didn't do much but Shane took some vacation days so we spent the entire day together! Did a little shopping for birthdays and for us. We got a new straightener--and its just as good as my $125.00 one. YES, I got ripped off--a year ago ceramic straighteners weren't very up and up--very new and very ripped off. Ugh! Meh, I'll chalk off my loss and just go on happy that I had the experience to begin with.

Today; I just woke up and had some breakfast. Am having trouble keeping my voice and am in need of getting ready for work. I bought some green tea with lemon awhile back and finally got around to opening the box this morning. I am quite pleased.

Sicker Than A Dog.

Whoa! So glad that things around my body have cleared up. Ew! I was so sick. Much much better now and 10lbs lighter!

Today I spent a lovely day with my lovely, all the while recovering from sickness. We didn't do much, got out for a walk and played some scrabble--I won..just for the record!!


I planned to stay home all of Friday and Saturday---which I did--but not in the circumstances I wanted.

I am excited for work tomorrow. Then Tuesday off! Shane has taken Wed. and Thurs. as vacation days so he will be home all week--pretty much!! Yay!!

Seventh Heaven

Rocks my socks.



Dear Self,
If anyone in the world has will power that you believe in, you know it is yourself. You have risen from a whole lot of nothing and can do anything. Stop seeking your happiness that is right in front of you, give up junk food, and cook something other than chicken. Do the dishes, regardless of your reasons not to and by god spend some time with your dogs! Your hair will never be what you want it to be so you may as well accept it how it is. Same with your body. Exercise because you love it not because you need to. Wear your smile and love your life. Embrace what you have.


Always,
A very spoiled,
Very ignorant,
Very cynical,
Kylee


PS. Its okay to take breaks from the world. Turn your phone off as well as your internet and just sit around reading!

Lovely Love on Loving Love Day

Valentines day went very well. Despite having to work it was a very nice day. We spend about 6 hours rearranging our house to accommodate for the new 55inch tv and the other tv in the bedroom and then the old tv into what will is "my" room aka the spare room. I down sized a number of items and have a ton of stuff that is going to go to the thrift store. We ordered Chinese and just had a small dinner together on the couch. After we ate we ventured to target to get a few items needed for the new arrangement....a couple cables of sorts. After target I showered and we were in bed by 8:45 or so to watch a movie...We didnt make it through the movie before we had to stop it and just go to sleep. :] Guess thats what happens when you work hard all day and have been up since 10pm the night before.






After two hours of wondering where the hell my card was (at bare minimum I knew I had a card). I went to the bathroom and to my surprise I found a dozen yellow roses (like the picture below), a giant heart filled with chocolate, and the cutest Simpson card saying that Shane would love me more than his TV (no matter the size) for the rest of my life. :) Awe.

Together.

We can conquer the world.

-Bliss-

When all is said and done you know you have found the one when you feel the flutters from within when someone mentions his name or when he walks in the room and no matter what mood you are in, everything gets lighter and your spinning world stops. One time I made a comment to one of my very good friends that being in love isn't all butterflies and fun...and in the next sentence I wish I could have retracted that statement. What made me say that? Am I crazy? (The answer to that is yes.) Maybe I had just had some issues with the boy or something... I never really take time to embrace what I feel. With every fiber of my being he is my world. Often times I get so caught up in work and life that I don't stop to admire the greatest gift I have been given. A permanent pain in my ass and a shattered heart every time he is in pain.

To really be in love one must feel it from everywhere. I run my fingers over my keyboard and wish I were on his computer. To touch where his fingers were a few short minutes ago. Even though he has gone to the place where he will sit for 8 hours to pay the bills, I have a sudden pain until he returns.


For a few weeks now I have really had to take a hard look at life. Dear John helped me a lot. Who knew that one would have to work so hard to stay in love and not lose that fiery passion? I guess you hear people talk about it, but really have to experience it for yourself.


Take a walk. Find cloud nine.

Dumples

I am so exhausted. I don't know what the hell is going on but I am tired. SOO SOO tired. Hope I am not getting sick. Shane has been sick the last week. Last night he was sweating so bad! Gross!!

Dang here I go crying for absolutely no reason. Guess I better get a hold of myself. This is stupid. Damn hormones.



Work went well today. Glad it was only a short day..due to not wanting to get out of bed and trying to hurry back to it. I slept for four hours and am still yawning.

The baby is going to be walking before we know it. And mr. terrible two's is hitting them rather hard. After evaluating the age two I have found that maybe its only the toddle trying to develop and find the person of whom they are supposed to be? Kinda like a searching 13 year old. Why you have to be rebellious in these stages in life--I don't know--but it's easier to respect the misbehaving child when I think about how he/she just needs to find them self.


I am rather excited about having a girls night tomorrow.:) Yay! I bought my Dear John ticket last night....now that I am still sitting here crying over NOTHING I may regret my decision..haha guess I better get my kleenex.

New Car

I am absolutely in LOVE! Love my new car a lot. Cried when I realized it was ours. :) Yay! haha even though its nothing special.



I am about to be a mega moody maybe menstrual person. Yes! There I said it. It makes me moody. Cry baby bitchy godzilla haha, and thats putting it nicely. :]


Work today went really well. Fast! And that was good. Soon as I got home I got really really tired and just wanted to sleep but no time for sleep when you have stuffs to do. We are about to go out to lunch with some friends and that should be fun, yay! I haven't had dine in for months. But that doesn't mean we haven't been eating out like pretty much every meal, ack!! I need to cook more.

Someday.

My Proposal

With our greatest hope,
And slightest dream,
Take me with you,
Where ever you go.
Let me be your first smile of your day,
The anger and laughter that makes way,
And the last little whisper at night.
Take me across the universe,
Through thick and thin,
Lets fight the world,
And help it too.
I’d walk the Sahara desert,
To kiss you at the end.
I’d swim the oceans,
And do it again,
To have you in the end.
Buried next to me,
Is where I want you to lie,
In a hundred plus years,
Our love will still have a bind.
Let our dancing souls,
Meet together,
Be my beloved prince charming.



Even though I was denied because I was not only ringless but also a girl..hahaha I wrote this for my bumpy. :] We just had a conversation last night about how he was too into how much he could afford for a ring, when all I want is some cheap 50 dollar personalized ring and that is what is holding him back. Haha come tax time I am hoping to have a "better" ring on my finger that means something more than not single. :) Haha I love my current ring and wouldn't mind just a band to go with it...

Lonesomeness

I have had a streak of VERY different emotions this week. I feel completely different than usual. I don't really know what it is. Something is going on. I mean its so weird. And out of the blue.


Hmm.... I have a burning itch in me. Like crazy wild fire.


Blech.

New. Old. Weak. Strong.

Grr

Being Seven and Being Brutal

Today I learned something; don't not wear makeup around a seven year old who has never seen you without. Why? Well, when being told that your boyfriend beat you up (joking of course) she will say "Oh!! Is that what happen to your face." Yes, this happened to me. Lack of makeup does give me some characteristics I can hardly bare to look at...but I never knew that a seven year old would even care to notice my lack of makeup. I mean, when your face is breaking out so you take a break from makeup...who cares? Right? I'm entitled to going all natural at times. Even though they are rare occasions I've made it a point to be makeup free (and loving it!) for three days. NEVER will I be makeup free when I am aware that a seven year old will be present.

I purchased "knitting looms" on Thursday and I have successfully made three hats and am about to finish a fourth. Then I am going to make a scarf. They are great tools and very EASY to use. I like them so far. I wonder how long this phase of crafting will last.

We went on a walk today. Talk about amazing. We don't get enough time together to do as we please and to have silly non sense conversations. We unfortunately didn't see much wild life but it was full of very cute pups. :)


I've had migraines off and on for a week or so. I really hope this isn't the start of the headaches I had before. I've been taking tylenol like its candy and am still having trouble managing. So, I am trying to deal other ways--but still no luck. Migraines and vomiting. Yummy! Something has to give.


Well, back to my hats and movie. Sunshine Cleaning. TTYL

Stepping UP

*You are boiling eggs!*

Gotta love the first week of major eating change. WHEW! I made it and did pretty well. This next week will be a struggle as well then I will be ok. But nothing is going to stop the desire to eat a cheesy potato burrito from Taco Bell. My lovely chicken salad tastes amazing at the moment. I am starving! Glad I decided to eat instead of just have a smoothie.

We are buying a new car. Now its just a matter of finding the perfect car!! Oh I can't wait!!

Yesterday was a 3:30 day and today was an off day! I am so glad we finally got some "us" time. Talk about amazing!! (hmm must be the word for tonight.)


I am hoping to find my third "child" soon! So, I can give up work on Sundays and enjoy some time at home. This past week I worked 7 days. And our house was a wreck.


PennFoster called today...nanahahsafdas what a scam. However, I think I am going to take some sort of courses for something I can do at home.

Walking On the Edge

I have never really understood the meaning of a "new year" but this year I have really embraced it and am working actively to start off well and will work even harder to see myself meet all my new "goals". As my mother used to tell me "Shoot for the moon, you may just land among the stars but at least it will be beautiful."

Speaking of the mother; she will have been dead (deceased, boxed, what have you.) for 8 years one week from today. My first and foremost goal this year is to embrace this part of the year. I can and will make the best of what was the roughest time of my life. For 7 years I completely shut down from January-May in deep dark depressions. This year I will NOT do this. I can and will stay strong. Go forth and conquer! Although I am very heartbroken. I have so many vague memories of her making me almost mourn for the pictures in my head that are fading.
People die everyday. I am no one special. This was one event in my life that just so happened to happen. There are more ties to my mothers death than just her passing. It was the closing of my first life and an opening of a new and unknown adventure. I am happy to say though after 8 years of going through hell and circling around for another punch of the devil himself I am happy. I have the greatest man in my life. As cliche as it may be to say....He completes me. I don't know how I would make it with out him. I could but it would probably be another 8 years of hell. Okay, so I could probably make it without him...but it wouldn't be my first choice.



So, I have been really working towards what I will write my book about. I have so many things to say that its taken me almost a year to narrow down what exactly I want to write about. I decided on a title to night and am hoping to get a jump start on it tomorrow at nap time.


I have a lot of rubbish going on in my not so numb skull of mine. I sure wish I had an off switch. So long for now, until we meet again.